The Daily Dozen (minus two)

One of my favorite personal development speakers, Chris Brady, likes to ask, "20 years from now, what will you wish you had done today?" He talks a lot about how consistently productive daily habits, compounded over time, create success. He says that successful people aren't lucky or blessed to be in their current situations, they just did the right things, consistently. 

Chris recently gave a talk called The Daily Dozen in which he listed 12 habits that he thinks are important. This is post is modeled after that talk, but with fewer and different habits that I think are important. 
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Habit #1 Read from your core book every day. Your core book teaches the difference between good and bad. It is the book where you go to find truth. It is where you find your fundamental beliefs. You core book might be different from mine. For many it is scripture. Whatever it is, spend time in it daily.
I am currently reading a book that is teaching me how to study my core book like you would do a document study. It’s been eye opening to me, and I have gotten a lot more out of my studies.

Habit #2 Exercise. This could mean a lot of different things for a lot of people, but I think the point is to get up and move every day. For me it means 20 minutes of cardio or strength or yoga every morning. Regardless of how much sleep I got the night before. Regardless of the weather. Regardless of my health. I get up with my alarm and exercise 20 minutes every day.

Habit #3 Read from a good book every day. Chris Brady says 30 minutes every day. That is ideal, but there are some days where I can only fit in 15 minutes. And even 15 minutes is a stretch. So my baseline is 15 minutes no matter what.

Habit #4 Stand Guard. In Chris Brady’s talk he labels this habit Watch what you Watch. His point is to be aware of what you allow into your home via social media, books, friends, entertainment and other distractions.

I love the talk by Julie Beck given years ago at a Women’s Conference at BYU. She says, “I have said lately that women are like lionesses at the gate of the home. Whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. She guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her. For example, if the lioness at the gate believes in the law of tithing, tithing will be paid in that family. If that family has a humble little portion of ten pesos coming in, that lioness will safeguard the one peso if tithing is important to her. If that lioness at the gate knows about renewing her baptismal covenants with God, she will be in sacrament meeting on Sunday, and she will prepare her children to be there. They will be washed, cleaned, combed, and taught about that meeting and what happens there. It isn’t a casual event, but it is serious to her, and it will be serious to them. The lioness at the gate ensures that temple worship is taken care of in the family. She encourages that participation. She cares about seeking after her ancestors. If the lioness at the gate knows about and understands missions, missionaries, and the mission of the house of Israel, she will prepare future missionaries to go out from that home. It is very difficult to get a lion cub away from a lioness who doesn’t believe in missions, but if the lioness believes in a mission, she will devote her life to preparing the cub to go out and serve the Lord. That’s how important she is. Service happens if she cares about it. Sisters, you are each like the lioness at the gate.”

Habit #5 Give thanks daily. I’ve talked about this before, but I’m a firm believer that successful people are grateful and can find something good in every situation.

Habit #6 Stand for Something. Figure out what your personal mission is and do something every day to further it. I learned from Oliver DeMille that I need to pick something that resonates with me and figure out what ways I can do “the right thing in the right way at the right time.”

Habit #7 Listen to something positive and uplifting every day. I like to listen to audios and podcasts that help me grow and be better in the various areas of my life—wife, mother, homeschool, business, myself, my faith, etc.

Habit #8 Do something uncomfortable every day. This is one I need to implement better, but I saw how powerful it was the other day at the pool. I typically hang out in the shallow end of the pool and don’t get my hair wet whenever we are near water. I decided this time would be different. I jumped off the diving board, went down the slide, had races, floated on my back, and had fun doing what I normally don’t do. It was uncomfortable for me to be without done hair, but it was good for my kids to see me get out of my comfort zone.

Habit #9 Take care of you. This habit can easily be taken too far. All I mean is making sure that your needs are met. For me this has always been being up and dressed with make-up on and hair done before the kids are up and quiet time in the middle of the day and a regular bed time routine.

Habit #10 Love. Love your spouse. Love your kids. Love everyone you come in contact with. Og Mandino in his book “The Greatest Salesman” says to greet each day with love in your heart. He teaches to address everyone with a silent I love you. The silent words will shine in your eyes.
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What habits do you think all successful people have? What things do you do every day? 20 years from now what habit will you wish you had started and consistently implemented?

Things I Did Right

Would it be bragging if I said that I'm a good mom?

Because I think I am.

But, I don't consider it bragging. I'm just confident that I have done a good job. At least so far. I'm still in the middle of my parenting career. I guess I'll always be a mom, so if I put things in perspective, I'm at the very beginning of being a mom.

I love looking at picture of when they were younger!

I'm not by any means perfect. There are a few things I could do better. For example. . .I don't like to build legos or play dolls/barbies. I sometimes get frustrated with bad behavior and hide in the bathroom to avoid my children. I don't always speak my kids' love languages. I often get annoyed and my tone of voice show my annoyance. I like things to be done my way. Etc, Etc, Etc. 

But, there some things that I do right.

Right Thing #1 From the time my kids were born, I read aloud to them. Board books when they were babies, then on to picture books as their attention spans grew, then chapter books in the hallway before bed, to now when we spend at least an hour every morning reading from a good book. We have so many good memories of the stories we've shared together and lessons we've learned.

Right Thing #2 I am an intentional mom. I prepare my kids and help them understand how to behave in certain situations. Before we go into a store I let them know my expectations and the consequence. Before we go to a party or a play date, they learn how to act when they are there and what to do when the activity is over. Before any activity, expectations are set. And because they have been set up to be successful, they are.

Right Thing #3 I am always learning how to be a better mom. And a better me. I read books on parenting. I talk to other moms that I admire. I listen to personal development podcasts and audios. I take parenting and other skills classes. I study and put effort into my calling as a mom. And if I learn something I like, I apply it. I am careful to take all the advise with a grain of salt and make sure that it fits our family culture before implementing it.

Right Thing #4 I am consistent and follow through. I remember when Braedi was probably 18 months old. I told her do something. It was something simple and I didn't care if she did it or not, I was really just suggesting it. Jonathan was there and pointed out to me the importance of how I said things. If it was just a suggesting then I needed to phrase it like a suggestion. If I phrase it like an expectation then I need to follow through and make sure she obeys. It was eye opening for me. Since then I've been careful with what I say. And if I ask one of my kids to do something, I expect them to do it right away. I don't ask twice. The easiest way when they were younger for me to help them obey was to take them by the hand and help them obey.

Right Thing #5 I don't yell at my kids. Enough said.

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Today I asked my kids what they thought I had done right as a mom. I love their answers.

"You've always set a good example for us about studying. We always see you reading your scriptures and other books. Sometimes I was scared because that meant you were going to implement  something new."

"You allowed us to follow our passions. And you helped us in the process by providing learning opportunities."

"You homeschool us."

"You taught us how to act and what to say in specific situations."

"You've helped us have a good family reputation."

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Motherhood hasn't always been my favorite thing. But I'm grateful for the opportunity. I'm grateful for the kids I was blessed with. They are the best. They and Jonathan are part of what make me a good mom.

Mother's Day 2018

"Now kiss your mom." 

Figure Out Your Part

I get goosebumps every time I hear this version of Glorious. I don't know if it's the kids singing or the message of the song or a combination of both. 

Probably both. 

I LOVE the message. 

We all came to earth for a purpose and it's our duty and responsibility to discover it. 

We all have a role to play in God's plan. And each role is different, like the parts of a song. If we all play our part,  the music is glorious.

When we live our purpose, others are inspired to figure out their part.

The message is an important one for all of us to hear. 

Glorious

By David Archuleta

Adapted and Sung by One Voice Children’s Choir

There are times when you might feel aimless,

you can't see the places where you belong.

But you will find that there is a purpose,

It's been there within you, all along.

And when you're near it, you can almost hear it.

It's like a symphony, just keep listening!

And pretty soon you will start to figure out your part.

Everyone plays a piece, and there are melodies,

in each one of us.

Oh, it's Glorious!

You will know how to let it ring out,

as you discover who you are.

Others around you, will start to wake up,

to the sounds that are in their hearts.

It's so amazing, what we're all creating!

It's like a symphony, just keep listening!

And pretty soon you will start to figure out your part.

Everyone plays a piece, and there are melodies,

in each one of us.

Oh, it's Glorious!

Glorious! Glorious! Glorious!

Oh, as you feel the notes build higher,

you will see!

It's like a symphony, just keep listening!

And pretty soon you will start to figure out your part.

Everyone plays a piece, and there are melodies,

in each one of us.

Oh, it's Glorious!

You've Made a Mistake. Now What?

I few weeks ago I wrote a post about why it's OK to get things wrong. And a thought has been nagging me since. . .easier said than done.

I <<get>> that it's OK and good to make mistakes, but that knowledge doesn't make failing any easier.

Why do we fear failure? Or, put another way, why are we afraid to try something new? I can't answer for everyone, but for me I'm worried about a few things.

--I'm afraid it will hurt (physically and/or emotionally)

--I wonder if I'll be good enough or if someone could do it better

--I worry about what others will think of me

--I think about my past failures and decide that they will determine the outcome of every adventure

No one likes living their life in fear, but often the motivation to avoid failures exceeds the motivation to succeed.

UGH!

What are some things we can do when the fear of making a mistake is holding us back from doing something? What are some ways to help us move on after mistakes have been made? Here are some practical tips to try when faced with a fear of failing. . .

1. Ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that could happen?"

Full disclosure. . .I actually started this blog 2 weeks ago. I didn't publish it though, because I started having doubts. I'm the first to admit that my writing skills are a work in progress and that thought got the best of me last week. I didn't think I was good enough to write a blog. Luckily I have a supportive husband, who, when I cry on his shoulder about my fears, asks me wise questions to get me thinking about other results.

Q. What is the worst that could happen if I write a crappy blog post?
A. People might leave nasty comments and then not read other posts. (I'm not very "worst case scenario". This is the worst I could think of.)

In the end, that didn't seem like too big of a deal. (But, please don't write a nasty comment. I'll take helpful critiques though.)

2. Instead of asking "What if I fail?" ask "What if I succeed?" Mark Twain is known for saying, "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do." Take a chance.

I remember one summer at the pool a few years ago. Braedi (my oldest daughter) was afraid to jump off the diving board. She really wanted to, and I could see the inner battle she was fighting. She never did, though, and to this day regrets her decision.

3. Remind yourself that it doesn't have to be perfect. Learning is a process. Often we compare our current selves to someone's end self. We forget that they started where we are.

I'm constantly telling my kids that the best way to get good at something is to keep practicing.

I heard an analogy once. . .Pretend you are visiting a jaguar assembly plant. You get to see the whole care-making process. At any point along the assembly line the jaguar looks like a pile of metal. But you probably don't say, "Look at that pile of junk! It will never be a jaguar!" You know that if it stays on the path, it will be a jaguar. The same is for us. If we stay on the path to success, we will be successful.

4. Process the emotion of fear.

I recently I listened to a podcast that taught how to process emotions. The presenter says that when we feel negative emotions we tend to resist and push them away, distract ourselves and try to cope, or process them. She says its more healthy to process the emotion. And she reminds her listeners that the emotion isn't going to hurt you. She says in order to process the emotion you first need to name it it one word. Then lean into the emotion. Ask how it makes you feel? What color is it? How would  you explain it to an alien? She then teaches that thoughts create emotions and feelings. You need to uncover the thoughts that are leading to the feeling and change your thoughts.


5. Fear is overcome by action.

I love this video clip by Mel Robbin's about counting backwards from 5 and then taking action. The quick decision pushes out doubt. Powerful!

Another way to take action is to break the task down into more manageable chunks. I love the phrase "walk a mile, see a mile". Sometimes we can't see the end result, but we can see the next step. Then when we achieve that step we can see the next and so on. I have a vision of inspiring and strengthening thousands of people, but I don't know what that will look like. So for right now, I'm trying to reach a few. I will see the next step in my journey as I take this step.

6. Use affirmations. The minute a negative thought like fear comes into your head, combat it with an affirmation. Replace the negative with positive. Surround yourself with positive.

I am worthy.

I am my own superhero.

I don’t sweat the small stuff.
I can. I will.

I can do hard things.

I am who I need to be right now.

I overcome fears by following my dreams.

I am in charge of how I feel and I am choosing happiness.

I am enough.

I have the power to create change.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 

my favorite thing about this affirmation is that it was the wallpaper on my daughter's phone for a long time

And finally, if you do try and fail, don't give up. Ask yourself these 3 questions:
What can I learn from this experience?
How can I grow from it?
What are 3 positive things that will come out of it?

What are you waiting for? Go ahead! Give it a try!

Car Troubles

teach your kids while they are young--
knowing how to work with cars is a good skill to have

Cars.

I have a love/hate relationship with them.

I love them because they get me from point A to point B faster than my feet. And when the air conditioning is working cars are a lot cooler than walking. Also there are some pretty awesome looking cars on the road.

I hate them because when something goes wrong it is a big inconvenience. I am dependent on our cars to the point that I almost don't know what do to when one isn't working. Also repairs are an area I lack knowledge in and they can be super expensive.

This week has been a week for car trouble. Actually this whole month has been testing our patience.

First off, one car had a malfunction with the anti-theft feature and refuses to start. It has been sitting at my brother-in-law/mechanic's house for over a week as he and Jonathan try to figure out a solution.

One car down. A van and a motorcycle left.

Thankfully, Jonathan rides the motorcycle to work so we can use the van for our errands and activities.

Until yesterday.

I was about to take Corbin to early morning football practice, but the van wouldn't start. Tuesday is also the day that Braedi has to take the van to piano lessons. What were we going to do?

Corbin hopped on the back of the motorcycle and Jonathan gave him a ride. One problem solved. I made a simple request on Facebook and angels came out of the wood works. Two people offered to lend Braedi their car for the afternoon. Then my brother-in-law rearranged his schedule and came over to help fix the van. Thankfully it was an easy fix and we were able to have our van back in working order before the morning was over. I love when things like that help rebuild my faith in humanity.

from the Studio C skit "2 guys on a scooter"

But the car trouble wasn't over yet.

Today, on the way home from my sister's, the van died on us. Corbin and I pushed it off the road into a gas station and called Jonathan. To make matters worse, it was 116 degrees outside! One of the hottest days of the summer. Jonathan had no way to rescue us--wanna see 7 people on a motorcycle? I called my sister and asked her to come get us and take us the rest of the way home then Jonathan would get the van towed. My sister was another angel. Without batting an eye, she hopped in her van and drove to the gas station so save us.

The van is home now,and that feels right, even though it isn't working. At least here we can try to fix it. Tonight all the kids had different activities to be at and other angels were able to get them where they needed to be.

Yes, sometimes cars are a pain in the butt. But sometimes trials like this are needed to remind me I can lean on others and allow them to serve me and my family. To remind me that there is more good in the world than bad. To remind me to be grateful for when things are going right.

And to remind me of my dream to someday have a brand new car.

Less and Better

My daughter's piano teacher recently sent this video out to all her students and their parents. I don't take piano lessons anymore or play regularly but I think the principles talked about in the video are practical for all areas. 

1. The quality work over the quantity of work

It isn't how many books you have read, but what did you get out of them? What are you going to apply to your life? How did the books change you? 

It's not that you got your paper written in less than 30 minutes, it is the thought you put in to the writing and the quality of the work. 

It isn't how fast you cleaned your bedroom, it's did you pick up the lamp on your desk and dust under it? Did you take the time to fold your clothes before you put them away? 

How well are you working?

2. A focused, concentrated shorter amounted time over an unfocused, undisciplined longer period of time 

Taking 5 minutes to have face to face time with a loved one instead of an hour of being together while on your phone most of the time. 

20 minutes of uninterrupted time to get a task done then hours to spend doing what you want instead of taking hours to complete the task with interruptions and breaks. 

3. Practice only what you don't do well

I don't think she is saying to focus on your weaknesses and ignore your strengths, but to make your most concentrated practice time be in the area that needs the most work. The scriptures teach us that our weaknesses can become strengths. Improvement in an area requires focus on the thing that needs improving.

How can you take what you do and do it less and better?

To Throw or Not To Throw

I believe there are two types of moms in the world--those that like to throw birthday parties and those that don't.

I fall into the second group.

Birthday parties stress me out and I don't enjoy planning or hosting them, so early on in my motherhood career I decided that my kids would only have parties on their 8th, 12th, and 16th birthdays.

Well, Ephram turns 12 this year so he gets a birthday party.

And it was today.

And I still don't like birthday parties.

What is it about birthday parties that stresses me out? I can't really put my finger on it. I think it's the idea of entertaining a bunch of kids for 2 hours. Will they like the games and activities? What if one kid doesn't want to play and causes a ruckus or is bored or doesn't have fun? What if I don't plan enough for them to do? Is organized chaos better than chaos? AAAAK!

watermelon birthday cake

I learned something today though. Most kids know how to have fun and just want to hang with their friends--it doesn't really matter what activity is going on. Most kids are good sports and don't care if a game is lame. Most kids will eat any party food that is put in front of them and not complain. I finally had to stop worrying and enjoy the party.

All that being said. . .I think there are few things a mom who doesn't like to throw birthday parties can do to have a less-stressful party.

1. Use Pinterest. BUT don't feel like you have to be a "Pinterest mom". I love the all ideas that I can find on Pinterest, but I always simplify what I find. There is  no way I am going to spend bazillions of dollars and hours of time to create something that will last for less than 4 hours. AND probably not even be noticed by a bunch of 12 year old boys. Don't feel like you have to keep up with the other moms. Keep it simple.

2. Keep the cost manageable by playing free games, preparing simple food, and getting supplies at the dollar store. Some of the funnest games we played were traditional party games. The boys giggled like girls when they played Pin the Tail on the Donkey. We also played some Minute to Win-it Games and a few other games suggested on Pinterest using supplies I had at home. And, even though the weather was hot, the boys spent some time outside doing their own (unplanned) thing.

For food we did frozen pizzas (on sale at Frys), carrots and chips with homemade lemonade (frozen from last winter). I like to provide food because that is an activity that is easy to plan and takes up a big chunk of the party time. Other simple food ideas: DIY pizzas, sandwiches or wraps, hot dogs, pastas, or sliders.

Instead of party favors, Ephram requested that we have prizes for the games. He picked out prizes from the dollar store and let the game winners choose one.

3. Plan the games and activities with your birthday child. They know best what kids that age like to do. Even after all your Pinterest searching, they will probably  have a few more good ideas.

Also, over plan. Because one of my fears is running out of things for the guests to do, I make sure to have an over abundance of activities. We don't have to do all of them, but I like to have something planned in case they go through them quickly.

4. Create a list. I'm not talking about a check list/to-do list. I'm talking about a schedule and idea list. I wrote down all the things I wanted to happen at the party and all the extra game ideas and posted it on the wall for easy reference. The list helped me make sure I had all the supplies for each game and it was a reminder of the games we planned.

5. Last, and maybe the most important--CHILL OUT! It's hard to have fun when you are stressed and worried. I used oils and lot of re-framing to help me relax. So, sit back and enjoy the smile on your birthday child's face.

do you open presents? the guests wanted to see Ephram open their gifts.

After everyone left and I was cleaning up, I expressed my embarrassment over one of the pizzas being soggy and the lemonade tasting like sugar water. Ephram said "It doesn't matter mom. The party was fun! Thanks!" I guess that equals success.