I'm an Angry Person

Did you know that?  I sometimes get angry and  yell at my kids and use force out of anger.  I didn't used to be that way.  I used to be calm and patient.  But this new, angry mom is making my kids angry and it's making me feel bad.  I need to change. 

I read a book recommended by a friend: The Soft-Spoken Parent by H. Wallace Goddard.  It contains 50+ strategies to control anger.  There were several that I think I can apply.  I think the titles did little justice to the information in each strategy, but hopefully you get the idea.

#10 Put off 'til tomorrow what shouldn't be said today.  Sometimes we reply to behavior with sarcasm or we blame rather than take responsibility.  In times of frustration we should not speak.  Goddard shares "I only have the right to correct those I love.  Any time I am feeling impatient or judgemental, I am not prepared to correct."  He also says that when we truly love, the urge to correct evaporates.  So if you notice me talking less you'll understand why.

#11 Reprove betimes with sharpness.  Don't forget the parts that say "when moved upon  by the Holy Ghost" and then showing "forth afterwards an increase of love toward him who thou hast reproved."

#12 Take a mental vacation.  Just don't stew while taking the break.  Do something that takes your mind off the situation.

#14 Just listen.  I can't sort out someone else's life--I need to work on my own weaknesses.    This one really hit home the other day.  I'd been reading this book and trying hard to control my anger.  I done well all morning, but finally I exploded.  Then I got angry at myself and this book.  I said "It doesn't work.  I'm doing the strategies, but there is no change in the kids' behavior."  Then it hit me.  I can't control my kids' behavior.  I can just control mine.  I need to work at making myself a better person and hopefully being a better example will help my kids with their behavior. 

#15 Be on the same team.  This one made me think of Leadership and Self-Deception and how when were are "in the box" we see others as objects instead of people.  I need to see my kids more as children of God rather than as "aliens sent to torment" me. 

#26 Choose to see the good and #36 Keep the ratio right.  These were about looking for the good in the situation and in the child and being sure to have more good than bad.  I learned at a parenting class many years ago that the behavior you notice the most will be the behavior you see the most.  It's so hard for me not to point out the bad.  This goes back to the being quiet.  If I can't say something nice I won't say anything at all. 

There were a lot more good strategies about reading good books and talking to good parents and taking breaks and talking it out.  I liked what Goddard said:  I don't have to be angry; I don't have to rebuke my kids; I don't have to "get my anger out"; and getting angry doesn't help.