Anyone who knows me, knows that I like to read parenting books. I'm always game for learning something new that will help me be a better mother. "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp is more than just a parenting book though. The author teaches that "most books on parenting give you advice either on how to shape and constrain your children's behavior or on how to make them feel good about themselves. Either control or self-actualization is deemed the goal of parenting." He goes on to say that this book teachers a parent to look not only at the behavior of their children, but the "attitudes of their hearts." He wants us to look more at the "why" of a behavior than at the "what".
Tedd Tripp's philosophy applies to both good and bad behavior. Are we good because we want the recognition or because it is the right thing? Our bad behavior usually stems from a selfish, prideful heart. If we change our heart, our behavior will change. Pride is the universal sin because nearly every sin is related to pride. It's interesting that at the same time I was reading this book I was reading in Helaman 4: 11-13. Mormon writes that the wickedness and destruction would not have happened had it not been for the pride of the Nephites. In my journal I drew a word bubble with the word PRIDE in the center. Extending from the bubble are arrows and at the end of each arrow is a symptom of pride: lack of charity, cruelty, contention, desertion, greed, selfishness, mocking, boasting in own strength, not sharing, denying the spirit of prophecy and revelation, murder, plunder, lying, stealing and adultery. WOW! That's a long list of things that we might do because we have pride in our hearts.
I had a hard time with some of the stuff Tedd Tripp talked about in his book. I thought he was too free with his interpretation of Proverbs 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." He says God has commanded us to spank our children. I disagree with this idea and think that spanking is rarely the right form of discipline. Even though I didn't agree with everything the author wrote, I really love the idea behind changing the heart.
It is true about why we do something. I noticed Zack only does the hard stuff if there is a carrot at the end of the stick. I didn't realize I was doing that or that he was exposed to it that much from the outside. Home life/school has drastically changed this year because of that realization.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm curious what you're doing differently and if it's helping. We have 1 that is similarly only motivated by the benefit for him/herself. Email me! :)
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