Less and Better

My daughter's piano teacher recently sent this video out to all her students and their parents. I don't take piano lessons anymore or play regularly but I think the principles talked about in the video are practical for all areas. 

1. The quality work over the quantity of work

It isn't how many books you have read, but what did you get out of them? What are you going to apply to your life? How did the books change you? 

It's not that you got your paper written in less than 30 minutes, it is the thought you put in to the writing and the quality of the work. 

It isn't how fast you cleaned your bedroom, it's did you pick up the lamp on your desk and dust under it? Did you take the time to fold your clothes before you put them away? 

How well are you working?

2. A focused, concentrated shorter amounted time over an unfocused, undisciplined longer period of time 

Taking 5 minutes to have face to face time with a loved one instead of an hour of being together while on your phone most of the time. 

20 minutes of uninterrupted time to get a task done then hours to spend doing what you want instead of taking hours to complete the task with interruptions and breaks. 

3. Practice only what you don't do well

I don't think she is saying to focus on your weaknesses and ignore your strengths, but to make your most concentrated practice time be in the area that needs the most work. The scriptures teach us that our weaknesses can become strengths. Improvement in an area requires focus on the thing that needs improving.

How can you take what you do and do it less and better?

To Throw or Not To Throw

I believe there are two types of moms in the world--those that like to throw birthday parties and those that don't.

I fall into the second group.

Birthday parties stress me out and I don't enjoy planning or hosting them, so early on in my motherhood career I decided that my kids would only have parties on their 8th, 12th, and 16th birthdays.

Well, Ephram turns 12 this year so he gets a birthday party.

And it was today.

And I still don't like birthday parties.

What is it about birthday parties that stresses me out? I can't really put my finger on it. I think it's the idea of entertaining a bunch of kids for 2 hours. Will they like the games and activities? What if one kid doesn't want to play and causes a ruckus or is bored or doesn't have fun? What if I don't plan enough for them to do? Is organized chaos better than chaos? AAAAK!

watermelon birthday cake

I learned something today though. Most kids know how to have fun and just want to hang with their friends--it doesn't really matter what activity is going on. Most kids are good sports and don't care if a game is lame. Most kids will eat any party food that is put in front of them and not complain. I finally had to stop worrying and enjoy the party.

All that being said. . .I think there are few things a mom who doesn't like to throw birthday parties can do to have a less-stressful party.

1. Use Pinterest. BUT don't feel like you have to be a "Pinterest mom". I love the all ideas that I can find on Pinterest, but I always simplify what I find. There is  no way I am going to spend bazillions of dollars and hours of time to create something that will last for less than 4 hours. AND probably not even be noticed by a bunch of 12 year old boys. Don't feel like you have to keep up with the other moms. Keep it simple.

2. Keep the cost manageable by playing free games, preparing simple food, and getting supplies at the dollar store. Some of the funnest games we played were traditional party games. The boys giggled like girls when they played Pin the Tail on the Donkey. We also played some Minute to Win-it Games and a few other games suggested on Pinterest using supplies I had at home. And, even though the weather was hot, the boys spent some time outside doing their own (unplanned) thing.

For food we did frozen pizzas (on sale at Frys), carrots and chips with homemade lemonade (frozen from last winter). I like to provide food because that is an activity that is easy to plan and takes up a big chunk of the party time. Other simple food ideas: DIY pizzas, sandwiches or wraps, hot dogs, pastas, or sliders.

Instead of party favors, Ephram requested that we have prizes for the games. He picked out prizes from the dollar store and let the game winners choose one.

3. Plan the games and activities with your birthday child. They know best what kids that age like to do. Even after all your Pinterest searching, they will probably  have a few more good ideas.

Also, over plan. Because one of my fears is running out of things for the guests to do, I make sure to have an over abundance of activities. We don't have to do all of them, but I like to have something planned in case they go through them quickly.

4. Create a list. I'm not talking about a check list/to-do list. I'm talking about a schedule and idea list. I wrote down all the things I wanted to happen at the party and all the extra game ideas and posted it on the wall for easy reference. The list helped me make sure I had all the supplies for each game and it was a reminder of the games we planned.

5. Last, and maybe the most important--CHILL OUT! It's hard to have fun when you are stressed and worried. I used oils and lot of re-framing to help me relax. So, sit back and enjoy the smile on your birthday child's face.

do you open presents? the guests wanted to see Ephram open their gifts.

After everyone left and I was cleaning up, I expressed my embarrassment over one of the pizzas being soggy and the lemonade tasting like sugar water. Ephram said "It doesn't matter mom. The party was fun! Thanks!" I guess that equals success.

Turn on the Light

My oldest daughter is obsessed with Harry Potter. So when we were talking about being happy under any circumstance she automatically threw out this quote by Albus Dumbledore: Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light. 

I was intrigued by the last  part. What does it mean to turn on the light? I posed the question to my kids and my Facebook friends to get more insight. Here are some of their answers:

*Stop focusing on yourself and serve others
*Jesus is the light so bringing Him more into our lives is like turning on the light
*Think
*Seek inspiration
*Gratitude
*Flip the Switch--find something to be grateful about in every situation
*Make the choice to be happy
*Change
*Reach out to others in your dark times
*Read and Listen to great material to gain a different perspective
*Count your blessings
*Live righteously
*Allow truth into your life


How do you turn on the light? 

Happiness Habits

"Happiness is created by doing some simple, easy things, and doing them every day." from The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson

The first time I read The Slight Edge, I was most impacted by chapter 7: The Secret of Happiness. Jeff Olson shares 5 Happiness Habits found in another book called The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor. These habits, if done consistently, every day will, over time, make you happier. You will began to rewire your brain to see the world in a different way.

1. Each morning, write down 3 things you're grateful for. Different things each day. This trains your brain to search for the positive and be aware of the good.
2. Journal for 2 minutes each day about 1 positive experience you've had over the past 24 hours. Write down every detail you can remember. This causes your brain to re-experience the experience.
3. Meditate daily. Stop everything, relax, and focus on something (usually your breath). This trains your brain to be mindful and focus where you want it to.
4. Do a random act of  kindness over the course of each day. Make it simple. Each day send a text to someone praising them or thanking them for something they did.
5. Exercise for 15 minutes daily. Even a brisk walk has a powerful antidepressant impact.

Shawn Achor recommends starting with one task and doing it until it becomes a habit then adding another until all 5 are habits. I took that to heart (kind of) and started with task 1. I started a gratitude journal. Unfortunately that was as far as I made it on the list, but that one thing was very powerful in my life. I set an alarm to remind me every morning to write down something I was grateful for (I wrote down only 1 things instead of 3). This practice forced me to think about the day and find something to be grateful for. Sometimes, in the course of a day, I would notice something and think that it would be the perfect thing to add to my gratitude journal the next morning. I also would revisit my journal during my down times to remind myself that I had a lot to be thankful for.

I like to keep my gratitudes simple. Usually just one word or a short phrase; something that only I will understand and remember. Sometimes they are longer with more details so I can refer back to it if needed.

I've found that gratitude helps fix a bad attitude. If one of my kids (or me) complains about something I will ask them to say something they are grateful for and it will often change the direction of the conversation and stop the bad attitude. A grateful heart means there is no room for complaining. Gratitude also helps build an abundance mindset. When we are grateful for what we have, we are more likely to have more to be grateful for. Gratitude creates happiness.

A few things from my June gratitude journal. . .
my husband
safe travels
a full fridge
crossing everything off my to do list
friends to help take care of Braedi while she travels
swimming pools
all my kids being home
good leaders
finishing good books
making future plans
peanut butter
podcasts

Are you ready for a happier life? What are you grateful for?

It's OK to get it WRONG

I like to write notes and post them around the house. Sometimes they are things I need reminded of, sometimes they are motivational, and sometimes they are things I want the kids to learn.

This particular note--it's OK to get it wrong--was written for my kids. It seemed like they were struggling with making mistakes; feeling like they had to get everything right the first time. I wanted them to know that success comes from making mistakes; that it is OK to get it wrong if they chose to learn from that mistake.

One day we had a friend over. As he walked out of the house he added a comment to the note. I don't know why he wrote it. It could have been that  he misunderstood my meaning. It could have been that he disagreed. Or it could have been that he just wanted to argue. He didn't say and I didn't get a chance to ask.

Today I want to give you four reasons why "it's OK to get it wrong".

Reason #1. Mistakes help us learn and gain experience. They can be our biggest teachers if we choose to learn from them. Find out what went wrong and try to fix it.

Henry Ford said, "Failure is the opportunity to begin again, more intelligently."


Reason #2. Failures often lead to successes. Failure is part of the process. Thomas Edison said that he found 10,000 ways that wouldn't work to make a light bulb.

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” ~ Michael Jordan

Reason #3. Mistakes humble us. They remind us we are human and show us areas of weakness. And remind us that weak things can become strengths.

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to success is always to try just one more time.”
~Thomas Edison

Reason #4. Mistakes mean action. It means you are trying. And you are probably doing something outside your comfort zone.

Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx, tells how her dad would ask her every day, "What have you failed at today?" to encourage her and her brother to try new things and not be afraid of failure.

So, go ahead! Get it wrong. Fail. Learn. Become Better.

Look Unto Me in Every Thought

when we got back

I survived trek! I don't think I've ever smelt so badly though. Or worked so hard. Or depended so much on the Lord.

One phrase of the trek scripture/motto was "Look unto me in every thought." I didn't realize until I got back home how much I "looked unto" my Heavenly Father for help and support.

before we left

Full disclosure. . .I'm not much of a pray-er. I say my prayers every night and most mornings, but I wouldn't say that they are pourings out of my heart. They are mostly a thing to check off before I fall asleep. I've gone through phases where I try to be better at praying but unfortunately they don't last long. There are times where my heart is troubled and I turn to prayer. Or when I feel the need for a constant prayer in my heart.

Trek was one of those time where extra special prayers were needed. As soon as we got our assignment to be a Ma and Pa, I started praying. And I prayed often and hard the whole time we were on trek.

I prayed that we would have good "kids". They were great kids! Never did they complain. They ALL worked hard the whole time. They got along well and watched out for each other. Most of them were there because they wanted to be. For one morning devotional I asked each kid to say why they were there on trek. One said his mom made him, another said he was bored, but the rest said that they had older siblings/cousins/friends who had gone before and came home raving about the experience. Those kids hoped for a similar experience.

I prayed that our "family" would be open to inspiration and that we could be a resource/channel for that inspiration. Even though family time and company time didn't go as I envisioned, we did have a few opportunities to share scriptures and experiences, partake in devotionals, and ponder on the lives of the pioneers.

crossing the river
several of the boys carried the girls across 

I prayed that we would have the energy and the right attitude to push/pull the handcarts on little sleep and little food. We arrived at the starting point and started hiking around 5:30 PM. Not very far into our hike, "Indians" raided the carts and stole our snack bags. Dinner that night was a bowl of broth and a roll. Everyone went to bed tired and hungry. The Mas and Pas knew that the next morning we would be awoken EARLY by an angry mob. We needed all the energy and good attitude we could get.

I prayed for strength. The last day was the women's pull. We all knew it was coming. I woke up anxious that morning even though I knew that we could do it. I'd seen how hard the girls in my "family" worked. I was confident that we would be able to accomplish the task, but I was nervous. Actually I was an emotional wreck. From the moment I saw my son lined up with the Mormon Battalion to the time we pushed off on our own, I cried. I can't put into words the emotions that were in my heart. The emotions are all coming back, and, as I write, I'm fighting back the tears. I feared for my son. I  missed my husband and his strength. I felt the support of angels who had experienced this before us. The ancestor that I walked for had a paralyzed husband and only one son old enough to be a help to her, but also old enough to join the Battalion. She didn't want him to go and leave her to do the work of crossing the plains by herself. After a dream, though, she knew that he needed to go and that she would be protected. As I watched the men leave, I remembered that story and was comforted to know that her spirit would be with us. I also know that our men were praying for us. At one point I heard singing and knew that they were singing for us. We rounded a bend and could see them across the way. Their singing warmed my heart. I knew they were singing for us to give us strength. The push was hard. We had to work together and communicate with each other to be able to make it up and down the big hills. It felt so good at the end to know that we'd made it.

doubt "knot", fear "knot"

Lastly, I prayed with gratitude. Gratitude for a shower and a warm, soft bed. Gratitude for a good experience. Gratitude for a good "family". And gratitude for a Heavenly Father who sent us to Earth to prepare ourselves to see Him again. I learned that I can look unto Him in every thought. 

Saying Yes Instead of No

Have you ever been asked to do something and said yes even though you wanted to say no?

Don't lie.

I do it all the time.

And I bet you do to, too.

There is an obligation sometimes to say yes. To callings in church. To friends in need. To opportunities to serve. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes we need to say yes even when we want to say no. These are opportunities to grow. Or opportunities to serve and think about others' needs. But sometimes we only say yes because we feel like we "should".

Well, I recently listened to a podcast that gave me permission to say no. Or to at least say yes with a "I'll do it because you want me to and I care for you not because I want to" added.

I was able to apply this new knowledge recently.

Our stake is doing a pioneer trek this summer. Actually it's tomorrow. I have negative feelings toward trek and for years hoped that our stake would never participate. Or at least not when my kids were old enough to attend. My reasons were super silly. . .I didn't want to have to gather/make the period clothing they would need to participate. The idea of sewing freaked me out! I know that is a dumb reason, but it was enough to make me (kind of) wish that my kids would not want to attend. No such luck. As soon as it was announced, Braedi and Corbin were excited and wouldn't let me talk them out of it. (I didn't really talk them out of it. I'd heard enough good stories about experiences that I knew it would be good for them and they would enjoy it. But, ugh! the clothes!)

In the end, the clothes issue turned out to not be that big of a deal. With 50% off days at discount stores and borrowing from friends, we found everything we needed. Turns out packing all our supplies into a 5 gallon bucket is the tough part.

Now to the part where I said yes when I wanted to say no.

About a month ago, a member of the stake presidency asked Jonathan and I to be a Ma and Pa for trek. I actually told him no at first. I told him I didn't want to go. Somehow he convinced me that we would be a great Ma and Pa. Jonathan had to figure out if he could get the time off work and while we waited I crossed my fingers in hopes that he wouldn't get the time off. After about a week or two of figuring stuff out we said yes. I don't think Jonathan was as hesitant as me. Last time trek came around he was serving with the Young Men and asked to go, but wasn't able to.

I wasn't excited and it showed in my attitude. We were behind schedule because we were asked with only 17 days to prepare. But at the last training, I began listening to the trek leaders talk about the purpose behind trek and my heart started softening. I heard them say that we were called not because we would be able to prepare well, but because we had ALREADY prepared. The spirit testified to me that saying yes was the right decision. I began praying for my unknown trek "family" and for Jonathan and I. I begged and pleaded that we would be able to provide a good experience and be open to inspiration and to know how to reach these kids.

I no longer dread the idea of going on trek. I'm not excited either, but I've put it in the Lord's hands and trust that all will be OK.

Next week I'll let you know how it went. . .